One week from today

My oldest child, Bethany, leaves home for a 10 month Rotary exchange to Venezuela next Friday, September 7. She's my only daughter and it goes without saying that I'm going to miss her. But I HAVE to say it......I AM GOING TO MISS HER!!

She graduated from high school in June and turns 18 on September 10. Both events signal that it's time for her to go. Leaving home is what she's supposed to do and what all her parents have worked hard for -- getting her ready for when she "grows up." I really do want her to launch (and believe me, that's the right word for what she's going to do), but DAMN I didn't think it would be this hard.

Some would think that all the practice I've already had with her being away would soften the blow of her departure. I mean, it's already been 10 years of the back-and-forth between my house and her dad's house since our divorce. It was terrible, those times that she called needing her mom, and I couldn't hold her hand, look into her eyes and share her pain or joy or blahhhs in the same physical space. We figured out our own ways to manage it -- none of them particularly good but they helped us deal with the situation.

And then there are the two times that she left for an extended visit to Japan. She went with a group from her Japanese class and their teacher, "Sensei," in the summer of '05 for about 3 1/2 weeks. She returned to Japan last summer for about 10 weeks where she lived with a host family. She came back from both experiences entranced with Japan and with traveling. She's always been that way. I remember when she was about 6 years old she asked for a book about China for Christmas. (She also asked for a My Little Pony, but hey! she was a 6 year old girl!)

I guess I can see how her previous absences have helped prepare me for what's coming. It's hard to look at it that way because I just don't want to let her go. And as hard as I try to be philosophical about it (see above) and altruistically encouraging of her hopes and dreams, my selfish part keeps nudging and reminding me of how much I'm going to lose when she leaves. Bethany gives so much to me and our family, in ways that she's very aware of and in other ways that have probably never occurred to her.

She gracefully opened herself to two, very-much-younger-than-her, half-brothers, proceeded to graciously share her already limited access to my time, energy, and physical affection with aforementioned brothers. She also generously and frequently tends to them to that I can have an hour to myself or a date with my husband. She knows all of this, and I hope, how much I appreciate her offerings.

What I don't think she's aware of is how her very presence provides me with an unspoken ally in this home. She's the only other person in the household with a brain wired like mine! This I will truly, truly miss. I'm not looking forward to being a small island of estrogen awash in a mighty sea of testosterone.

But more than anything else, I'm going to miss her complex and deeply thoughtful mind and her exuberant spirit. She definitely lights up a room with her smile and her energy and of course, her amazing dancing skills! (See representative photo above)

She's not without her foibles, but in times like these, they are easy to overlook.

Sweetheart, as you go, I hope you remember that you'll always have a soft place to lay your head whenever you want it or need it. And remember, no matter how grown up you get, or how far you travel away from me, you'll always be my
"Sweet little Bethanini."

You'd think with our giant Cerebrums we'd learn faster

"And Man created the
plastic bag
and the tin
and aluminum can
and the cellophane wrapper
and the paper plate
and the disposable bottle,
and this was good
because Man could then take his
automobile
and buy his food all in one place
and he could save that which was good to eat in the
refrigerator
and throw away that which had no further use.
And pretty soon the earth was covered with
plastic bags
and aluminum cans
and paper plates and
disposable bottles,
and there was nowhere left
to sit down
or to walk.
And Man shook his head
and cried,
'Look at all this God-awful litter.'"

--Art Buchwald, 1970

What's in a name?

This is Logan James Haake.

We call him "Logan," of course, but like most kids, he's picked up a few nick-names in his 21 months. They include:

"Logie"

"Loganberry"
"Monkey"
"Sir Chunk-a-lot"

But my favorite for him is "Chub-a-licious."

Tagged!

My friend, the AMAZING photographer, Donita tagged me.


I'm supposed to list 8 interesting things about myself. Here goes.....

1. I have 4 children -- two teenagers and two toddlers.

2. I used to be a college professor (in a previous life).

3. I grew up in New England and Utah.

4. I've lived in Illinois longer than I've lived in any other state (13 years now!)

5. I started running at the age of 43 -- yay me!

6. I backpacked through Zion National Park.

7. I LOVE fire! (but only in the fire place, or candles, or a fire pit or camp fire)

8. I collect birdhouses.

Ok, so I wish I could tag 8 other bloggers but I don't really know that many others, and the others that I know, are already playing! It was fun while it lasted!

202.4

That's how many miles I've run since I started in March. I wouldn't have known this except that I started using a handy-dandy feature that Runner's World added a few months back.

My original plan for using the Training Log was to track what kinds of circumstances make for a "good" run or a "bad" run. That way, I could always have a good run. The Log let's you track the type of run (yes, there are different types), the time of the day, the weather, your heart rate, your routes, what shoes you wear (because you always have more than one pair), and of course, how many miles. Anyone who is regularly working out can use this log. It has options for swimming, bicycling, weight training and "other workout." Here's a link to my training log in case you're curious or you want to see all the nifty features.

I'd like to run the Allerton Trail in under 52 minutes (average 9:45 per mile) so I have to run faster and farther than my last race (average mile was 9:52). To get ready for a race my natural inclination is to go as far and fast as possible each time I run. But to keep from getting injured or burned out, you're supposed to increase your weekly mileage by only 10% of the previous week's mileage. For example, if I ran 5 miles last week, I should only run 5.5 miles this week. So, as hard as it's been, I've been keeping a close eye on the Weekly Distances in the Log and increasing slowly but surely. Today, the total miles for 2007 caught my eye and I thought it was blog-worthy.

And Jen, THANKS for the encouragement!

School starts today

Carter, age 15

A boy and his dog

My 3 year old son Brennan got his beloved "Puppy" from his Great Aunt Pat when he was born. It became so important to him that we got a duplicate just in case Puppy was ever lost or needed a bath, which, of course, is often.

"New Puppy" is rarely accepted in those times of crisis. "New Puppy" just doesn't feel the same.....or smell the same.

There's just nothing like that dirty, old dog smell.

Trying to change my color

Apparently being "green" is becoming trendy. I just noticed that Yahoo! has added "Green" to the list of services which include yellow pages, personals and shopping. Somehow that seems incompatible.....shopping and sustainability.......unless you're shopping for items that would sustain the environment. Fans of Pottery Barn will be happy to know that they have started selling organic linens and furniture made from wood grown in sustainable forests. That's great. But I have to wonder if those are token "green" items to soothe shoppers' guilt. How much of the rest of their stuff is made in China??? I'm sure I sound like one of those crabby liberals who is never happy with anything -- I just don't like hypocrisy.

Speaking of hypocrisy, I remember the day, over a year ago, that DH and I watched an Inconvenient Truth. I had not questioned the reports about global warming, but when I saw the evidence I couldn't even finish the rest of the movie. It scared the poop out of me. I knew in an instant what a hypocrite I had been for aiming my righteous indignation at the Republicans for calling global warming a hoax, while I was not really changing anything in my own personal, day-to-day life. I asked myself what sacrifices was I making to preserve the world for my kids? OK, I recycled (and was a bit of a Nazi about it), but what else? Soul-searching and action ensued.

I doubt many people are actually reading this, but if you are, what comes next may sound like a "Na-na-na-na-na-na! I'm better than you are!" That's not my intention AT ALL.

So, here's what we're doing so far:

fair trade coffee (grown in the shade!)
vegetable gardening
composting food and yard waste to use in aforementioned garden
turning off lights when not in use
long lasting light bulbs
thermostat set at 74 in the summer and 68 in the winter
alternative feminine products (there are quite a variety available)
buy food in bulk without all the packaging (and convenience)
using glass containers to store food
vegetarian (really more like a flexitarian)
re-use ziploc bags
buy locally grown/produced food as much as possible
organic as much as possible
RECYCLE, RECYCLE, RECYCLE
Freecycle (check out freecycle.org for more info)
buy used (yard sales) especially kids' toys and clothes
reel mower
no chemicals on lawn or gardens

What I would like to do if I weren't so vane and lazy:
buy less new clothes and shoes ***
no make-up
no hair dye
use cloths for cleaning instead of paper towels or those throw away wipes
use cloth napkins instead of paper
use less water
have less stuff in general -- we have SO much stuff
no TV
ride my bike to the office

So, I'm trying but definitely not REALLY green. We are some of the best consumers I know. I guess you could call us "good, red-blooded Americans." I have a real problem with the clothes buying. I'm hoping this book can help me out with this issue. But that means I have to buy it. Hmmmmm

One final thought: If you're not "green" then what color are you? Maybe brown because that would represent dirt. With no plants growing in it. Or maybe black because that represents evil and surely anyone who isn't for being greener is evil. Then there's red. That's the color opposite green on the color wheel. As far as my color, maybe I'm a paler shade of green, like the shoots that peek out of the earth in the earliest part of spring. I just need more time and growth to be that lush, mid-summer green.

Heard on NPR this morning......

It's a sad, sad country we live in when too-lazy people can sit in front of their computer and hunt. Don't believe me? Check out this commentary by Frank Deford.