One week from today

My oldest child, Bethany, leaves home for a 10 month Rotary exchange to Venezuela next Friday, September 7. She's my only daughter and it goes without saying that I'm going to miss her. But I HAVE to say it......I AM GOING TO MISS HER!!

She graduated from high school in June and turns 18 on September 10. Both events signal that it's time for her to go. Leaving home is what she's supposed to do and what all her parents have worked hard for -- getting her ready for when she "grows up." I really do want her to launch (and believe me, that's the right word for what she's going to do), but DAMN I didn't think it would be this hard.

Some would think that all the practice I've already had with her being away would soften the blow of her departure. I mean, it's already been 10 years of the back-and-forth between my house and her dad's house since our divorce. It was terrible, those times that she called needing her mom, and I couldn't hold her hand, look into her eyes and share her pain or joy or blahhhs in the same physical space. We figured out our own ways to manage it -- none of them particularly good but they helped us deal with the situation.

And then there are the two times that she left for an extended visit to Japan. She went with a group from her Japanese class and their teacher, "Sensei," in the summer of '05 for about 3 1/2 weeks. She returned to Japan last summer for about 10 weeks where she lived with a host family. She came back from both experiences entranced with Japan and with traveling. She's always been that way. I remember when she was about 6 years old she asked for a book about China for Christmas. (She also asked for a My Little Pony, but hey! she was a 6 year old girl!)

I guess I can see how her previous absences have helped prepare me for what's coming. It's hard to look at it that way because I just don't want to let her go. And as hard as I try to be philosophical about it (see above) and altruistically encouraging of her hopes and dreams, my selfish part keeps nudging and reminding me of how much I'm going to lose when she leaves. Bethany gives so much to me and our family, in ways that she's very aware of and in other ways that have probably never occurred to her.

She gracefully opened herself to two, very-much-younger-than-her, half-brothers, proceeded to graciously share her already limited access to my time, energy, and physical affection with aforementioned brothers. She also generously and frequently tends to them to that I can have an hour to myself or a date with my husband. She knows all of this, and I hope, how much I appreciate her offerings.

What I don't think she's aware of is how her very presence provides me with an unspoken ally in this home. She's the only other person in the household with a brain wired like mine! This I will truly, truly miss. I'm not looking forward to being a small island of estrogen awash in a mighty sea of testosterone.

But more than anything else, I'm going to miss her complex and deeply thoughtful mind and her exuberant spirit. She definitely lights up a room with her smile and her energy and of course, her amazing dancing skills! (See representative photo above)

She's not without her foibles, but in times like these, they are easy to overlook.

Sweetheart, as you go, I hope you remember that you'll always have a soft place to lay your head whenever you want it or need it. And remember, no matter how grown up you get, or how far you travel away from me, you'll always be my
"Sweet little Bethanini."