Filth

It will sound pathetic, but I spent most of New Year's Eve cleaning the carpet in my office. It had seen two years of foot traffic, and the dirt from the shoes of clients (and myself), was ground in. It literally took 2 1/2 hours to get it "clean enough."

While I was soaking the rug with cleaning solution and then sucking it up with the steam vac, I thought about my clients....who I had seen this year, who I had said good bye to, who should be done, who had a ways to go (all my opinion, of course). I guess I was doing a year end accounting of my work.

Each time I emptied out the dirty water, I was appalled at the amount of filth that had been in the rug. My metaphoric brain played with that, thinking about the "filth" that had been in my office. Now before you get upset, I don't mean that any of my clients are "filth." I really don't think anyone is "filth." But many of the things clients bring in with them would definitely fit the definition of filth. The cruelty, humiliation, abuse (in all its depraved forms), and injustice suffered by my clients appalls me. Sometimes they, in turn, have been cruel, abusive and unjust. But I believe they want that to change.....at least many of them. I think most, if not all, come in because they are trying to find some comfort, some healing, trying to get just a little relief from the heavy burdens of pain they drag around with them. When I open my door to greet the next client, I could say "Come on in -- take a load off!" What I often want to do is cut the ropes that bind them to their burdens, like the South American Indian did for the Robert De Niro character in The Mission. But that's not how I see my job. (BTW, if you haven't seen that movie, I HIGHLY recommend it.)

So, they come in, they talk, and they leave. They leave behind some of their filth, in my rug and in my "space." Last night was a literal and symbolic cleansing of my professional space. I resolve to do that more than once every two years.