I was on TV!

I'm at home with the mini-muffins and my phone rings. I check the caller ID and don't recognize the number so ignore it. I do this when I'm with the mini-muffins because it's nearly impossible to have any kind of conversation with them in the background. I check the messages regularly and if it's a client, I stuff the kids in the closet and call them back. (JK)

I check the message and it's a reporter from one of the local news stations. Weird, and.....curious. She's asking me for an interview about couples fighting. OK, I can talk about that (both professionally AND personally) -- I've been interviewed before....over the phone. I call her back and say Sure! You can interview me, thinking it'll be over the phone. But no, she wants to come to my house and film me at 1 pm. It's now 11:30 am. OMG. I almost decline but then thought "Why not? You can't pay for that kind of advertising."

My brain flips into high gear as I survey the ever-present unkempt-ness in the house (if only the Feds would declare a State of Emergency for it. What I could do with a couple of billion!) Anyhoo, I get the house lookin' spiffy, call a friend, ask if I should wear white or black, whisk on make-up, tame the hair, secure one muffin in his room for "nap time." OK. I'm ready.

The reporter and camera man arrive, set up and I talk for about 30 minutes. You can see for yourself how much of that they used.

Here it is:

Oh well. I think this is why researchers and clinicians don't like the media.

Proud Member Since

oh, about 4 days ago. But still, I'm thrilled! I know, you're asking yourself "Member of what?"

Those of you who read this blog, I mean REALLY read it, know that I'm a faithful, enthusiastic reader of the Athena Diaries.

Not too long ago I noticed that GeekGirl had a little note at the end of her blog roll asking any Athenas and plus-sized endurance athletes interested in being added to it to email her. I was immediately interested but thought, "I can't do that...I'm an Athena for sure, but I'm no endurance athlete. I mean, the other kick-butt women on the roll do TRIATHALONS, and races named things like "Black Warrior 50K" (that's 5.OH., not 5). A few days later I saw it again and thought "what the heck?" so I did. And wonder of wonders....I was added! Very cool.

You might be wondering what an "Athena" is. In the running world there are special categories for people who don't fit the runner stereotype: the young, lean (read near-anorexic) smallish person. That would include any person over age 40 (they are "Master" runners -- nice reframe, huh?),





any male runner weighing 198 lbs or more (they are "Clydesdales -- not such a nice re-frame unless you like those kinds of horses),


and any female runner weighing over 150 lbs. We are called Athenas. I love, love, LOVE this label.


Here's why: In ancient Greece, Athena was known and worshiped as the goddess of wisdom and the more disciplined side of war (unlike Ares -- the god of bloodlust and slaughter). She is often accompanied by the goddess of victory, Nike. Now there's a kick-butt woman!! (You're welcome for the Greek mythology lesson.)

Basic physics tells us that the less you weigh, the faster you'll go. Hard core racers take this so seriously they have special shoes that can weigh as little as 4 ounces. That's light. My Asics weigh 11 ounces -- OMG! they're like lead!

And there's a formula for estimating how much faster your race time could be depending on how many pounds you lose. Good thing I'm not hard core. I'm really not that interested in trying to lose a bunch of weight just to shave off a minute from my 5K time. Besides, who wants a puny woman when you can have an ATHENA?

Zuma is the Devil

After many attempts at discovering the TRUE identity of Satan, I believe I have found him.....it.

I have never been much of a gamer, but this one, introduced to me by Carter, has taken up residence in the part of my brain that was formally reserved for chocolate, shopping, and potato chips.

I'm stunned by the amount of time I'll waste playing this stupid game!





It's become a "joke" in our house about my "dates with the frog." (There's a frog that spits out balls that, aimed correctly, will break chains of balls the same color. The goal is to break all the balls so you can go to the next level and break MORE balls. See?! That sounds really stupid, doesn't it!)

So I'm thinking about why I play this game, why I'm drawn to it, and realize that I don't really think it's FUN, not in the colloquial sense anyway. It's not about a sense of accomplishment, either. I mean, unless you're 11 years old, who wants to brag about beating the 8th level of Jaquar Zuma?

Maybe it's about the sense of detachment and escape I get while playing it. My world is pretty darn intense, what with the muffins, and the clients, and.....well, that's enough.....and every once in a while, I just want to "check out." I can usually do that by running but I've only been able to go about twice a week lately. Is this a way of "taking care of myself?"

Is this an oxygen mask I put on myself so that I'm able to take care of my kids? You know, like they tell you in the safety precaution section of plane rides: "In the event of a loss in cabin pressure....first secure the mask over your face and then place masks on children and others in need."

Hmmmm. This probably isn't what I'm thinking about when I encourage clients who are wive/mothers to be sure to take care of themselves. I'm thinking things like meditation, exercise, quiet reading, contemplation, peaceful walks in nature....that sort of thing. I can hear it now: "Sounds like you're pretty drained from taking care of everyone and everything. You know what would really help? Zuma!"

Wow. BIG reality check! Those are all things I'd LOVE to do, but come on!! They're not too realistic for day-to-day life. Unless you're a monk. Or a hermit.

Hmmm. Maybe Zuma isn't the Devil after all.

FRIGID!!

It's January. It's supposed to be cold. But it's COLD! Urbana school district actually canceled school yesterday because of the cold. The air temps have hovered in the single digits above and below 0 for the last few days. The wind chills have been as low as -25. It's

I haven't run since Monday. I'm hoping to go later this afternoon when the air temps should be up to 22 and the wind chill temp only 10 or so.

OK, so maybe running in this kind of weather is a little nutty. But at least I'm not one of these people:



I've discovered I really enjoy running in the winter. I wasn't sure, since I'd never done it before, but turns out I prefer it to running in the summer. Here's why:

It's much easier to regulate your body temp in the cold than in the heat. You can always take off a layer of clothes in the winter, but you can't run naked, and if you do, what are you going to take off after that???

You don't get that "soft" feeling in the summer.

Trailing billows of steam from your mouth and nose is MUCH preferred to gallons of sweat stinging your eyes.

Winter running reminds me of fun times growing up in Utah. Summer running doesn't.

The cold helps numb the pain in the leg muscles on long runs.

And most importantly, winter running is one of two things (the other is shoveling snow) that gets me out of the house and thus helps manage the SAD. I'm outside almost all the time in the summer.

So even though I feel like this:



I'm going to keep doing this:

My Right Foot

The following is an on-going "discussion" I'm having with my right foot:

So. What's up with you?? All of sudden, out of the blue, you decide to get all clench-y on me? What's up with that??? -- No, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of calling it by it's technical name ( Plantar Fasciitis Piriformis).

Sure, sure, maybe you're trying to tell me something, like, maybe my new form isn't workin' for ya. Well, what did you expect?? I had to change to accommodate your neighbor Left Calf! Or, maybe I'm increasing our mileage too fast? Or maybe, just maybe, you just can't keep up with the rest of the Body, hmmmmm??? Nobody else is having any problems (keep quiet Left Calf). OUCH!!

Ok, ok, I'll do my best to help you out but if you think I'm going to stop running because you're a little uncomfortable, you can kiss Right Buttock! So much for an injury free '08. Thanks a lot!!

Carter in Venezuela

Carter and his dad traveled to Venezuela to visit Bethany over the holidays. Here are some pics of them:




Not sure why he's grumpy here.....






Yes, her swimsuit should be bigger.....










I think this was taken on New Year's Eve

They're such sweet muffins!

What's Cooking Wednesday

We eat a lot of soups in the winter, and lately, soup has really been hitting the spot.

This recipe is one of ONO's favorites, along with some warm, crusty bread.



Kidney-Kale Soup


1-2 cloves of garlic, pressed
1 onion, chopped
2 carrots, diced
1 red pepper, diced
1-1/2 cups frozen corn
1 can kidney beans, drained
2 cans (15 oz) of vegetable broth
1 can of diced tomatoes in sauce
1-2 cans of water from broth can
1 bunch of kale, stems removed and chopped
2 bay leaves
1 tsp seasoned salt
Pepper to taste


Sauté onions, carrot & red pepper in olive oil till almost soft, than add the
garlic and sauté till the other veggies are soft. Add beans, corn, broth,
tomatoes, 1 can of water and bay leaves and simmer for 30 minutes, adding
additional water as needed. Add kale and cook till kale is wilted. Remove bay
leaves before serving. This is really good with cornbread.
Serves: 4-5

Yes, chock full of nutrition, but sure as you're born, the kids probably won't eat it. Too many green things.

Looking into the future (Part II)

Except for the frightening drop-off in clients last summer, I'm really happy with the development of my private practice. This May 1 I will have been seeing clients on my own for 2 years. Sometimes it's hard to believe! What started as a wish, turned into a little bit of hope, and then, almost like a miracle, it was a reality. It didn't happen without the support of a lot of people and some fortunate events (special thanks to ONO, Hiromi, Wilma, Joanna and Tim, and the Midwest Center for Sleep Medicine). And, most surprising to me is how new clients keep calling, without a whole lot of effort on my part. In other words, I haven't done that much marketing of my self/practice and have plenty of work!

It's good to be in a comfortable place and I have enjoyed that for the last few months. Being comfortable has allowed me to see how I can improve the good work I'm already doing. So I think this year is going to be mostly about "tweaking," with one goal to help me stretch a bit. There are a number of things I'm hoping to accomplish this year. They are:

1. Become an in-network provider for at least 3 more insurance carriers.

2. Improve my current handouts and create some new ones.

3. Locate some new furniture. In particular, I want to find a new desk. The one I have now is fine, except it takes up a lot of room. After making more space, I'd like to find two arm chairs that couples can sit in and turn to face each other when I want them to do some interaction. (I know -- sounds scary, huh? That's why a lot of people never go to therapy cuz they think the therapist will make them do something uncomfortable like.....talk. About a problem. With their spouse. Crazy!!)

4. Once I find the chairs and the new desk, I'll rearrange my office to create a new set-up. I need more seating because I'm seeing more families.

5. Go to a John Gottman training. He's researched couples for over 30 years. He's pretty much THE expert in the field.

6. Up-date and flesh-out my professional web site. It has been hanging in limbo for about 18 months now.

7. Get a professional photo taken and upload it to my Psychology Today listing, my AAMFT listing, and my web site.

8. Follow-through on a workshop idea I had this year. Because I have something of a specialty in this community (couples therapy), I think offering "relationship check-up" workshops (or some such thing) on a few weekends here and there is an option that couples who normally wouldn't go to therapy would be willing to do. This is the "stretch" goal.

Alrighty......let the tweaking begin!

Green it up

I get most of my news from NPR (although I confess that I listen to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, mainly for the incredulous factor and to keep up with what the sadly misguided Conservatives are up to).

This morning on the way back from taking Carter to school, Market Place had a wonderful and surprising report on

sustainability.

Besides the usual, this site contains info on healthy toys, safe cosmetics, and a link to the National Green Pages.

Befy Update #6

Bethany has to write these notes as part of her Rotary requirements. I'm really grateful for this because I'm starting to think she wouldn't do it if she didn't have to. The amount of contact she makes with me has dropped significantly since she arrived there 4 months ago. And although I miss communicating with her, I know it's a very good thing.


**************************************************************************************
Fourth Month in Venezuela: Vacations! 1:46pm Monday, Jan 7


Hello everybody, let me wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, I hope everyone ate a lot of goodies and partied hard (I know I did). So this month was all vacation, I got out of school the 7th and I went back today.

It was nice to have a break from the routine of things for a little while, and I got to do some pretty cool stuff during the month. Right after school got out, we had a Rotary party for Christmas in my house. The young people from Rotaract came too, and it was the first time I had seen them since Halloween. I got to talking with a few of them and I told them that I wanted to join Rotaract, which resulted in my name being put on the emailing list and being invited to THEIR Christmas dinner (which was fun, by the way), and also to making a new, very good friend, Beto.

The next day he invited me to a baseball game with some more people from Rotaract, which was the funnest thing ever, because Venezuelans go absolutely insane with the tiniest excuse, so the baseball game was basically like a very long, loud party, complete with dancing and music. I also got beer in my hair when Caracas won.

I then had a very lonely week in the house, while my host mother and sister were finishing up moving their stuff from Anaco, and I finished up my college applications.

For Christmas, which they celebrate the 24th until midnight, we had about 15 people staying in our house for the big party. There was music, and drinking, and dancing until midnight when baby Jesus brought the presents. (I don´t know why baby Jesus brings presents here and not Santa, but that´s just the way it is!) Then we all sat down to a traditional Venezuelan Christmas dinner which includes: Hallaca-a boiled dish which is bascially meat, vegetables, olives, and raisins wrapped up in cornmeal, which is then wrapped in banana leaves and boiled (although this doesn´t sound too good, I swear to you that it´s delicious), Pan de Jamon- bread which is wrapped around ham, olives and raisins, kind of like a wrap sandwich, Ensalada de Gallina-which is basically chicken salad, and Pernil-a kind of porkchop like dish.

The next day my dad and Carter came to visit me! They stayed in my house and my host family was nice enough to plan stuff for them to do. We toured around Parque del Este in Caracas, we went to another baseball game (Caracas won again), Beto showed us around to the museums and historical places in the center of Caracas, we went to the beach, and the next day rode the famous cable car called the Avila up a mountain in Caracas.

The last day my family was here, the 31st, was the big New Year´s Eve party, which was basically like Christmas except for the fact that there were no presents and that the entire world lit off fireworks without stopping when the clock struck midnight. We ate at midnight again, with all the traditional Christmas foods, and then caught a few hours of sleep until we had to take my dad and Carter back to the airport.

My last week of freedom I spent sick in the house of a host aunt in Caracas while my host mother and father went to Anaco again to tie up some loose ends.

As I mentioned, I started school today and I have lots of things to look forward to in the six months I have left here. I´m excited about doing things with Rotaract and with Rotary, I have lots of fun at school, and I am really looking forward to spending the time I have left with my wonderful host family, and hopefully in June I´ll be able to go to the Gran Sabana (can you tell I´m looking forward to that? I think I´ve mentioned it in at least two of my four notes).

I hope all of you fulfill your New Year´s resolutions! Know that I miss you a lot and think about you only a little less than before. Kisses and hugs!

Bethany


A very tiny me...

Looking into the future (Part I)

I'm not a big resolution-type person. It's probably because I grew up with parents who didn't really make resolutions either -- if you were going to do something, you just did it.

Nope, no "resolutions," but for a few years we did have "Coming Year Predictions." My Mom, the social coordinator of our family (as most moms are), would plan the most festive New Year's Eve celebration a Southern Baptist minister's family could have. We'd have lots of treats that were typically forbidden during the rest of the year. That alone was pretty exciting. And then we'd write down what we thought would happen for each person in our family, fold up the slips of paper and Mom would save them somewhere so we could look at them on New Year's Eve the following year to see if they came "true." I don't even remember what some of the predictions were not to mention if they came true or not!

So, in honor of the New Year (and my Mom), I'm going to be making predictions for 3 areas of my life (thus, the "Part I"). This first set of predictions are about running.

In 2008 I predict that I will

1. complete at least one 10K
2. get sub-30 in at least one 5K
3. run at least 500 miles
4. get another pair of running shoes
5. get a pink running skirt
6. run in the U of I Armory at least once
7. join the Second Wind Running Club
8. run injury-free for the season

That last one if more wishful thinking than prediction, but so far so good!

Filth

It will sound pathetic, but I spent most of New Year's Eve cleaning the carpet in my office. It had seen two years of foot traffic, and the dirt from the shoes of clients (and myself), was ground in. It literally took 2 1/2 hours to get it "clean enough."

While I was soaking the rug with cleaning solution and then sucking it up with the steam vac, I thought about my clients....who I had seen this year, who I had said good bye to, who should be done, who had a ways to go (all my opinion, of course). I guess I was doing a year end accounting of my work.

Each time I emptied out the dirty water, I was appalled at the amount of filth that had been in the rug. My metaphoric brain played with that, thinking about the "filth" that had been in my office. Now before you get upset, I don't mean that any of my clients are "filth." I really don't think anyone is "filth." But many of the things clients bring in with them would definitely fit the definition of filth. The cruelty, humiliation, abuse (in all its depraved forms), and injustice suffered by my clients appalls me. Sometimes they, in turn, have been cruel, abusive and unjust. But I believe they want that to change.....at least many of them. I think most, if not all, come in because they are trying to find some comfort, some healing, trying to get just a little relief from the heavy burdens of pain they drag around with them. When I open my door to greet the next client, I could say "Come on in -- take a load off!" What I often want to do is cut the ropes that bind them to their burdens, like the South American Indian did for the Robert De Niro character in The Mission. But that's not how I see my job. (BTW, if you haven't seen that movie, I HIGHLY recommend it.)

So, they come in, they talk, and they leave. They leave behind some of their filth, in my rug and in my "space." Last night was a literal and symbolic cleansing of my professional space. I resolve to do that more than once every two years.